Anniversary cards are a tricky category because the standard form is “couple smiling, gold lettering, generic sentiment about love deepening over time.” That works for some couples. For couples whose actual relationship involves arguments about thermostats and disputes about who said the dishwasher was clean, that card lands as a polite stranger pretending to know your relationship better than you do.
Funny anniversary card messages work for couples whose love language is roasting each other. Below are 25 by anniversary year.
1st anniversary — The paper anniversary
- One year of you tolerating me at full volume. Impressive.
- 365 consecutive days of choosing each other. Bold.
- Happy first. The hard part is everything that comes next, but we're off to a fine start.
- One year. You've seen the worst version of me at least three times. Still here. Wild.
- Happy paper anniversary. I bought this card. It counts.
5th anniversary — You actually know each other now
- Five years of you and I'm still finding new ways to be annoyed by your phone-charging habits. Happy anniversary.
- Five years. We have officially passed the “new relationship” energy phase. Now we're in the comfortable resentment phase. Cheers.
- Five years of being your favorite hostage. Happy anniversary.
- I know all your stories now. Most of them I'm in. Happy anniversary.
- Five years. We've absorbed each other's bad habits. Some are mine now. You should apologize.
10th anniversary — You're committed committed
- Ten years. The lease has officially become a mortgage.
- A decade of you. Mostly good. The kitchen renovation year was rough.
- Ten years and we still haven't agreed on the thermostat.
- Happy 10th. We're old now. We've earned it.
- Ten years of marriage and I'm still mildly surprised you said yes.
15-25th anniversary — Veteran love
- You've outlasted most of my friendships. Happy anniversary.
- Some of the best stories I have are about us. Some of them I won't tell anyone.
- Two decades and counting. We figured most of it out. The rest we'll figure out next decade.
- You've seen me through three jobs, two cities, and one truly bad haircut. I owe you.
- Twenty years. We're in the part of the relationship where we finish each other's complaints. Happy anniversary.
For the couple who's been together forever and didn't make a fuss about it
- Happy anniversary. We're not going to make this a thing.
- Acknowledged: another year. Cake later.
- I love you. Going to bed at 9. Happy anniversary.
- The good news: we made it another year. The other good news: that's it for the news.
- Happy anniversary. Same time next year. I'll be here.
What to write inside
Anniversary cards work best with the same 4-line formula: opener, joke, sincere line, signoff. The sincere line is doing more work in an anniversary card than in any other category — don't skip it.
Hey,
Another year of arguing about whose turn it was to take out the trash. We're still here.
I love you. I would do this all again. Even the kitchen renovation year.
Yours,
[Name]
Where to find them
Funny anniversary cards aren't well-stocked in most retail aisles — the assumption is that anniversary cards should be sincere, and most of the rack reflects that. We're working on a full anniversary collection. In the meantime, our funny Valentine's Day cards and funny wedding cards work brilliantly for couples who don't need a Hallmark filter.